Confused and Still Figuring It Out At 25

November 02, 2019

Photo by Jet Santillan

By now, most 25 years-old are expected to have life figured out and expected to be working on the life they're supposed to have. By now, most 25 years-old I know have their own family, a kid or kids, a house, a business, a thriving career, and basically a stable life. By now, most of my batchmates and childhood friends have already been married, started having a child, and getting out of their parent's house. And me? I'm almost 25 - no job, no kid, no family, no business.

What do I have? Weekly episodes of my anxiety attacks, and sometimes they go on days or weeks and I couldn't help myself but cry. Overthinking and worrying about not having it all. Because you see, when I was in college I made a life plan that at 25, I will be married and in two years after that marriage my first kid, and while I'm in it I'll be working on my business. And dude, I am nowhere near that goal. And it is making me feel like I am lost, frustrated and basically a failure.

But here's the thing, you plan and you plan and life gives you shit and say "Hey. You ain't going near that goal. Because I have a different plan for you." And boy, you're in for a roller coaster ride of fate's playing a game on you.

So now, I took time to make a list of things I learned and I realized before I turn another year older:


1. Exploring at 24 or 25 is still okay. 
I am still not sure which path should I pursue, hence the reason why I don't have a job right now. I left my job as a Marketing Manager because I was promised a different job with a whole lot of different perks and incentives and two months later I still haven't heard from that person. Then I met someone who moves with the same frequency as I do and we're currently working on a business and brand of our own. This is not something big, but it is something of my own. And I think it is better to work on things that are really for you and not for the benefit of other people.

2. Save because you will gonna bust that savings when you fall - and you're gonna fall. Hard.
Two months ago I have a nice job that pays me enough to do whatever the hell I please and still live a sociable life if I wanted to. But that means, sacrificing most of my sleep just to get to meet my friends. Because aside from driving to and from work for 4-5 hours every day, I have to be in the office for 9 hours or so if needed. So when I decided to quit that job and I have no business right now, I am very grateful I saved and now I can still live the life that I got used to - going out, traveling and experiencing life. I am lucky to have only myself as my responsibility. I am lucky because not everyone gets to do that. And I know how lucky I am that's why my first lesson is that.

3. From being an independent woman to God Dependent woman.
Because of what had happened to me this year, this is the biggest breakthrough I've had so far in my life. Because you see, I consider myself an agnostic. Meaning I will call your religion bull, and I'd still believe that God exists. And I am not a big fan of that way back. I pray when I have something to be grateful for, and I rarely ask God for something. But when I had my episodes, when at 2pm I am crying so hard for unknown reasons, and be up at 2am crying and panicking and I still don't know why; I found myself praying and begging God to heal my heart. And He did. In so many ways I never thought of, He brought me to find something that will heal me. He made sure I have someone to depend on during my weakest moment, and He made sure I will meet someone who can help me pick myself up again. And from then on, I decided to go to church to praise God and be in His presence. From then on, I pray to Him, praise Him, ask for His guidance and just be there with Him.

You will be surprised how one prayer can be so healing, so life-changing and so magical. You will be surprised that when you allow God to take control of your life, you will never feel alone. And I did. I trusted His words - that my plan isn't necessarily the life I want because His plans are always better than mine and it is what I deserve.

I let God in my life, and now I am healing. Little by little, I am being healed.

Photo by Jet Santillan

4. It's okay not to know just yet. 

Sometimes, it may seem like not knowing is the biggest problem you'll ever have. Worrying about the things that could possibly go wrong in your life, but the truth is - it is okay not to know just yet.

You may seem to have all the negative things figured out, all the worst-case scenarios that could happen to you but if it's not God's plan, it wouldn't happen. Even the good and the bad things you could ever think of, God has a different way of showing you that His plans are better than yours. Just trust Him, and trust the process.

5. You will be alright. 
No matter how lost and confused you think you are right now, for as long as you're doing something with your life, you will be alright. People move at their own pace, regardless of how big or small the progress is, progress is still progress.

To tell you the truth, being that person who's always writing about positivity, I am really full of negativity. "For a pessimist, I am pretty optimistic." That's what Hayley said on one of her songs. And it's true. Even tho I am most of the time a pessimist, I still try to see the beauty of life.

I just hope that you too would always have that sparkle and light in you. That no matter how life treats you, how hard it hit you, you would always believe that you can be where you set your mind to be. You just have to work hard for it.

And besides, what's the worst thing could happen to you? You hit rock bottom? Then, congratulations! You just hit the bottom, so there's no other way but up. Pick yourself up now and go get started with a new beginning.

At the very least, this is how I view life nowadays. I hope that just like everyone else, adulting is basically a version of your life where you pretend to know what you're doing and always saying to yourself "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" and still do it anyway.

Go be confused. Go figure it all out. Just keep going. 

PS: I am figuring it out now. No job, but working on a business plan. And I hope that you guys will support me on this one. Pray for me and pray for my healing. I'm gonna need that. 
Photo by Jet Santillan

PS: If you ever need someone to talk to, or just listen to you, or just give you a pep talk, just send me a message on my Facebook account/page or Instagram. I will read your message and send you a reply. Because I know how it feels like not to have someone you can talk to. And I want you to know that you can talk to me. 

My social media handles:
Facebook: Ann Salas
Instagram: @hi.annsalas

Also support and follow my Travel Partner and Boyfriend:
Facebook: Jet Santillan
Instagram: @jetsantillan


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