2016: 21&LOST [Iam having a mid-quarter life crisis, HELP]

May 02, 2017

L O S T

Graduated at the age of 20, excited for everything the world has to offer yet I decided to take a break for a few months before I decided to apply for my first job. Five months with the Heritage Hotel Manila and I decided to quit the job and tried to seek new opportunities in my field, but end up working at our family business.


21: Broken & Broke

May 2016 when I had my heart broken, it was torn to pieces and my trust for people and love has been torn apart. I don't believe in words anymore. I learned that people change, feelings change and that I can't do anything about it. I learned that people will leave you and in the end, no matter how hard you tried to make things work, it will still comes to an end when one of you decided to call it quits. 

Along the process, I broke myself, I lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. I spent all my savings traveling, discovering new things and falling in love with different places, meeting new people and learning to keep the good old ones. It has been a rough month. Three months of being lost, going to places and bumping to new people who's not good for me, but end up the one fixing me.



21 : Help, I'm Lost and Depressed


How do you know that you're missing a big part of yourself? You just know. You're not excited about the things that excite you before. You find everything and everyone around you a bore and a pain in the ass. You don't know what you really want anymore, and you don't know why are you even sad.

At night you'll find yourself thinking "Is this even worth it? Is all this bull crap worth my time?" And by the time that you'll wake up you'll feel like you just want this day to end already. You don't care about how fast the time flies, you just want this day to get it over with.

Sometimes you would want a big crowd to keep you company, or a person or two to be there for you, not talking, just their presence is enough that will keep you company but at the same time you just want to be alone simply because you hate everyone at this point.

What I did? I learned how to party, drink beer, play beer pong and billiards. I join a different crowd. I made new friends. I explore my boundaries. Although I am being reckless, I have always known my limits, and when I reached my limit I decided to stop. 

I stop, and still kept the new crowd which keeps me company at my lonely nights, and soon enough turned out to be the people that will help me in the process of finding my new self.



21: Brand New - Lost and Now Found

Just like the butterfly, maybe we need to die and be reborn before we could become a better version of ourselves. Maybe, being lost is what we really needed for us to find what we have been missing. Maybe, just maybe, what we really want is to get hurt to know how it actually feels like to be happy and contented.

I have lost myself in the process of loving someone else, I've missed out a lot because I have focused on the wrong things. I forgot the most important thing there is - and that is to love yourself.
 You can never give someone something that you don't have. And if love for yourself is what you are lacking, honey, you are not ready to get love someone else yet.

I have learned the hard way to love myself first before loving someone else. Because what love is really all about is sharing, sharing that kind of love with someone truly special and just then you will learn to become one. Your demons will dance with your partner's demons, and it will be the greatest love that you could ever experience - a shared love.

But you don't need to rush yourself. You just found you, how about you enjoy being single, alone, carefree but completely happy and contented. Love will find you, for now, let yourself discover more about what excites you the most, and whom you're willing to discover it with.

Just never be afraid of change. Change is the only permanent thing in
the world, so if you must change, change for the better. Always for
the better.
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Photo credit to Eric DC of Eyestrain Portraits 

NOTE: This is a repost from my old blog jayzenn.weebly.com Since I've transferred here in blogspot, I decided to repost this one 'cause a lot of my friends are going through the same path. I just wanna let you know that you're not alone in this.

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5 comments

  1. You know, I'm also struggling for deppresion for about 3 years till I really couldn't help myself. I have my psychiatrist now and so thankful to him. To know more about the details, visit my blog about conquering anxity and depresion via www.kayhdj.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know, I'm also struggling for deppresion for about 3 years till I really couldn't help myself. I have my psychiatrist now and so thankful to him. To know more about the details, visit my blog about conquering anxity and depresion via www.kayhdj.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope that you get the right help that you need. I know that you'll get through it. You just gotta be strong. Keep on fighting!

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  3. where did u get your sandals!! :)

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  4. I'm surprised by this comment. Hahaha. Black one is from hue manila and the maroon one is from Primadonna.

    ReplyDelete